I have complex and semi-conflicting feelings about the accusations against Brett Kavanaugh.

A professor named Dr. Ford has come forward and said he sexually assaulted her when they were teenagers. As far as I’m concerned she has no reason to life. According to National Center for Victims of Crime 1 in 5 girls will be victims of sexual abuse. This seems to only consider sexual abuse by adults. It doesn’t take into consideration kids sexually abusing each other.

I do not know one single female who at the very least didn’t have her bra snapped in school. Most at some point had her butt and or boobs grabbed, were groped, or worse by one of our peers. Most of those boys actually grew up to be decent men who cringe at the thought that they did those things now – especially if they grew up to have daughters.

Plus, for us – Gen X’ers that kind of behavior was not just tolerated as “boys will be boys,” it was encouraged and even glorified in tv shows and movies. Movies like Porkies, Risky Business, Revenge of the Nerds, Fast Time at Ridgemont High while all rated R were all also clearly aimed at teenage boys, and we all managed to see those movies in spite of their rating. All of those movies glorify objectification of women and encourage boys doing things like copping feels to get a cheap thrill. I’m a profoundly heterosexual female, but that Moving In Stereo scene in Fast Time at Ridgemont High even made an impression on me. Even in the film Sixteen Candles – a chick flick by any body’s standards – Anthony Michael Hall’s character tries not once but twice to get on top of Molly Ringwald’s character against her will, and don’t get me started on the behavior of Long Duck Dong.

In the movie Pretty In Pink, the character Steff played by a young James Spader is a sleaze ball extra-ordinare, and Andrew McCarthy’s character is a gentleman.
Pretty In Pink is a movie aimed at girls. If Pretty In Pink had been aimed at boys James Spaders’ character would have been the hero of the movie, and Andrew McCarthy’s character would have been a sissy and possibly gay. James Spader would have bagged Molly Ringwald and bragged to all his buddies about it.
Thank goodness it was aimed at girls. But, even the character of Ducky Dale – a good guy who is supposedly in love with Molly Ringwald’s character – offers to impregnate two other female students, and grabs and kisses Annie Potts’ character.

Even more recently in the t.v. show That 70’s Show the teenagers on the show are all portrayed as sex obsessed. The characters of Michael Kelso and Fezz both stand out in my mind as particularly detestable. Kelso on more than one occasion cops a cheap feel off of Donna. Fezz hides in her closet, so he can peek at her while she changes, and this is portrayed as normal acceptable teenage boy behavior.

BUT, Brett Kavanaugh was not a young teen when this assault happened. He was 17. He was within 12 months of being a legal adult, and if you read the description of the assault – it was an assault. It was pretty horrifying. He put his arm across her throat. She was afraid that she was going to die. Seventeen year olds are routinely tried as adults – if they’re not rich white kids. When I worked for the DOC I had several inmates over the years who were tried and convicted as adults while still juveniles. One, in particular, stands out in my mind because he received a life sentence when he was only sixteen years old. But, he wasn’t a rich white kid. He was a poor black kid.

People say why didn’t she say something before now? Well, it turns out she did. She told both her husband and her therapist. Her therapist’s case notes support this fact, and please note – she sought out therapy to help her with the on going trauma years after the fact.

I was sexually assaulted as a young adult. I won’t go in to details. It’s none of your business. The man who hurt me never faced charges for what he did. I’ve spent years on and off in therapy because of what he did to me. Evidence of the assault is still visible during a gynecological exam. I have no idea what became of him. Most of the time, I don’t care. But, if he somehow got nominated to the Supreme Court, you bet your sweet ass I’d go off like a fire alarm.

So, yes, people do wrong things when they’re young, and still turn out to be decent human beings. But, sometimes mistakes we make when we’re young carry life long consequences – like the young man sentenced to life at only sixteen. IMHO Brett Kavanagh should have gone to prison for what he did to Dr. Ford, but he was a rich white kid and he didn’t. Up until now, he has suffered no consequence for what he did back then. Denying him the Supreme Court does not constitute ruining his life or even his career. It just says – the wrong we do can come back and haunt us many years later, and let it serve as a cautionary tale to young men who feel entitled to grope young women.